Carpenters in the Forehead

Friday morning I was reading an interesting (and in my case timely) article about hangover cures in The New Yorker ("A Few Too Many", Joan Acocella May 26, 2008).  My favorite part of the article was the comparative linguistic study of terms for "hangover".  The Scandinavians by far have the best ones. I used the Danish phrase as my subject line, I also enjoyed the Swedish one which translates to "smacked from behind". Chowhound translates the Norwegian term as "the uneasiness following debauchery".

The bottom line on the science of hangovers is that they are complicated and we still have a lot to learn. Apparently there were only 8 unflawed hangover studies done between 1965 and 2000. Acocella discusses a number of reasons why there have not been more scientific studies on hangovers. Anyone who has ever dealt with an IRB for human subjects research knows that an approval for getting a large sample group wrecked ain't gonnna be easy.

An ingredient in many over the counter hangover remedies (which invariably have awesome names such as RU-21, BoozEase and Sob'r-K HangoverStopper) is activated carbon.  Activated carbon is basically charcoal that has been processed so that it has many tiny pores resulting in a ridiculous amount of suface area - something on the order of six football fields per ounce. Below is an image of these pores made with an electron microscope.

Non-polar molecules stick to the carbon due to Van der Waals forces made stronger by the porous structure.  You probably have encountered activated carbon in the form of those tiny black beads that come out of your Brita filter.  The vast surface area of the activated carbon can adsorb large amounts of toxins and is used medicinally for poison victims.  In theory, activated carbon adsorbs certain toxins called congeners, thought to be responsible some hangover symptoms, before they get absorbed into the bloodstream. Whether this actually works is unverified.  

Burnt toast as a remedy is dismissed in the article: "Kinglsey Amis recommended a mixture of Bovril and vodka.  There is also a burnt-toast cure. Such items suggest that what some hungover people are seeking is not so much relief as atonement." But I was thinking - by burning toast you are effectively giving it a layer of charcoal  - could this serve the same purpose as the carbon pills?  Burnt toast is not the same thing as activated carbon, however, it must have some, albeit reduced, ability to adsorb toxins.  Maybe we should forgo the burnt toast and expensive pills and just eat some beads from our Brita filters. Those little fuckers are always coming out anyway.